Bible Riches Mail #ae
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Introduction

Laurie's message #1 - a plea for advice
Rich's reply: "New Beginnings"

Laurie's message #2 - a request for clarification
Rich's reply: "Forgiveness - Part 2"

Introduction
This page contains two email letters from a wife and mom named Laurie, as well as the replies that I sent her.

After I answered Laurie's first message, she ran across
an article on one of my web pages that answered someone's request for guidance about forgiveness. ->
Laurie & her husband were helped by that "forgiveness" article, but they also had some questions. Those questions led to Laurie's second message.

My reply to Laurie's follow-up message might be called, "Forgiveness -- Part 2." I hope you are as blessed by reading my replies to Laurie as I was in writing them.
Laurie's message #1

Dear Rich,

After our daughter had been married 5 years and was expecting her 3rd child, she started calling home having anxiety attacks. My husband and I prayed with her and counseled her. We soon came to the conclusion that there were a lot of problems in her marriage.

Finally it came out that her husband completely controlled her and was cheating on her at his job. She was devastated and moved in with us. My husband and I were also devastated and shocked.

The worst thing as this unfolded was that the ex-husband had no remorse and still doesn't. He has lied and done everything he can to try to hurt our daughter or us.
-->
2- Everyone kept telling us we had to forgive. We couldn't explain to them what we believed because they felt we had been so hurt that we didn't want to forgive.

In the midst of all this heartache, our Pastor of 20 years (who constantly counseled us and our daughter that we had to forgive no matter what) confessed to having an affair, and our church fell apart. Other things were also happening I won't even mention.

I would appreciate any Scripture or advice you might have. Thanks for your time!
Laurie

Rich's reply #1

Dear Laurie,

Thanks for taking the time to share your heart with me. Your struggles are indicative of so many others, who like you feel the same way.

I’m not going to take time to dissect your letter and give you a lot of answers that won’t mean much to you at this season in your life. If anything, you have
probably heard enough pat answers for a while.

But let me just say this: God is a God of new beginnings. He has given you examples of new beginnings everywhere you look.

  • Each morning is a new beginning.
  • The first day in a week is a new beginning.
  • The first day in a month is a new beginning. ->

2- Remember the four seasons? Spring comes and
goes. Then comes summer followed by fall, which is followed by winter. My point is this: Even during the year, you see new beginnings by the start and end of each season. Nothing stays the same.

Yesterday is gone. It will never come back to you the way that you experienced it. Instead, God will give you a NEW day to enjoy and look forward too.

God specializes in new beginnings, especially in the midst of chaos.

  • Way back in the beginning [Genesis 1:1] the Bible tells you that God created the heavens and the earth.
  • Verse 2 states that the earth was without form and void, and DARKNESS was over the surface of the deep, and the SPIRIT OF GOD was MOVING. [more]

3- Do you see what happened? Way back in the very beginning, God was still actively moving and working even in the presence of darkness to do what? To create a new beginning!

“LET THERE BE LIGHT” -- and there was light!

Laurie, God knows and understands your hurts, struggles, pain and disappointments. He hasn’t left you or your family. Although you may not see it now, the Spirit of God is going to work out a new beginning for you and your family. All you must do is cooperate with Him and let God do the creating.

You see, too often we try to do the creating ourselves.

  • We plan our lives, our schedules, who we will see and what we will do, not to mention where we will go and who we will go with.
  • It’s us! It’s all about us!
  • Jesus, who is the Lord of new beginnings, is often left out. He usually is invited to our homes only after we have made such a mess of things. ->

4- Cooperate with God and let His Spirit create light where there is darkness. Let the Spirit of God create life where there is only numbness.

When you read the Word, don’t read it simply to understand facts, but also seek to come to know the Author.

Vincent van Gogh revealed this: “Some read books to borrow from them the force to stimulate their activity. . .but I read books searching for the man who had written them.”

Do you see the difference?

Come away and rest a while. Spend time alone with God. Allow Him to create in you a clean heart, a healing heart, and a heart of a disciple.
[more]


5- Remember, Laurie, tomorrow is a new beginning. How are you going to live it differently?

Read the Bible verses alongside...

  • God told Paul that His grace was sufficient for him even though Paul would still have to bear the thorn in his flesh.
  • You need to hear God telling YOU this.
  • Then you need to understand that, through God’s grace, even though you may feel and appear weak, you are actually strong, and grow stronger with each new beginning.

Much Love and Grace, Rich

  [Paul wrote...] A thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I be exalted above measure. Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me.

And God said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness."

Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ's sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Cor 12.7b-10
     
Laurie's message #2

Dear Rich,
First I wanted to thank you for your response to my last LONG e-mail re: my family problems over the last couple of years. I appreciate the encouragement and verses to help me get back on the right road!!

Now I have another question for you. We were so happy to find
the lesson on forgiveness on your web-site. We actually printed it out and have shared it with our daughter and her fiancé.

The fiancé works with a longtime good friend of ours who has been counseling him the opposite -- that you MUST forgive no matter what.

My husband has been trying to explain that while we agree that we should not be vengeful and bitter people, we do not have to forgive someone who
continues to hurt and deceive with no sign of remorse or repentance.
->
  After reading your lesson on repentance and forgiveness, our friend still disagrees, using the example of Christ on the cross...
  When they had come to the place called Calvary, there they crucified Jesus, and the criminals, one on the right hand and the other on the left. Then Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do." Lk 23.33-34a
  My question is: were they all forgiven? What did Jesus mean by that? My husband and I agree with your interpretation because we believe that the theme of the Bible all the way through teaches repentance before forgiveness.

Thank you for your help!!

Rich's reply #2

Dear Laurie,

The Bible mentions Two Ways whereby you should express forgiveness when someone has offended you. They are as follows..

  • "A" Express Your Forgiveness in Prayer
  • "B" Express Your Forgiveness to the Offender

I will discuss each of these Two Ways in the paragraphs that follow...

   

"A" Expressing Forgiveness in Prayer

  • This is forgiveness from your HEART before God, not from your MOUTH before the offender.
  • This type of forgiveness is PRIVATE -- it is between you and God.
  • It is like the prayer of forgiveness that Jesus spoke while suffering on the cross.
  • Jesus prayed to the Father. What He said was not addressed to those who falsely accused and crucified Him.

Your prayer should lay the following three petitions before the throne of God...

  Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do." Luke 23.34a

Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that you should follow His steps... who, when He was reviled, did not revile in return; when He suffered, He did not threaten, but
committed Himself to Him [the Father] who judges righteously
1 Pet 2.21, 2.23
  • #1- Father, because Your Word commands me to do so, I forgive the person who has hurt me.
  Whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses. Mark 11.25
  • #2- I release my anger, hurt and bitterness into Your care. I will seek no vengeance.
  Cast your burden on the LORD, And He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved. Ps 55.22

Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, "Vengeance is Mine, I will repay," says the Lord.
Rom 12.19
  • #3- I believe You allowed this to happen in my life for an eternal purpose. I ask You to grant me inner healing. I claim Your promise that *all things work together for the good of those who love God.*
  And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. Rom 8.28

"B" Expressing Forgiveness to the Offender
If someone sins against you, the verse alongside specifies TWO commands that Lord Jesus requires you to obey...

  • #1- Rebuke him. That is, don't nurse secret grudges. Make the offender aware that he has hurt you, and that you want him to make it right.
  • #2- Forgive him IF he repents and IF he seeks your forgiveness.

NOTE: My earlier study of *forgiveness* has further discussion of the *IF* aspects of Command #2 above. If you haven't already read that study, please Click HERE to do so.

  [Jesus said...] Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times in a day returns to you, saying, "I repent," you shall forgive him. Lk 17.3-4
If there is no repentance by the one who sinned against you, then you are STILL required to forgive him from your HEART -- prayerfully and PRIVATELY
before God -- but NOT from your MOUTH by publicly saying to your offender that you have forgiven him.
   
Furthermore, you are commanded to forgive others on the SAME BASIS as Christ forgave you.   Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you. Eph 4.32 [see also Col 3.13]

On what basis does Jesus keep on forgiving us? To answer this question, consider the verses alongside...

  • The verses are quoted from First John, which is a letter written unto Christians.
  • First John 1.8 tells us that, even though we are Christians, we STILL sin from time to time.
  • First John 1.9 tells us the basis whereby we can obtain God's forgiveness.
  • Notice that obtaining God's daily cleansing and forgiveness is conditioned upon CONFESSING our sins.
  If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. 1 John 1.8

If we confess our sins, God is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1.9
What would happen to a believer who refuses
to confess his sin? He will be living in rebellion and out of parental fellowship with the Father.
   

For example, imagine partaking of the Lord's Table with unconfessed sin. That's what many of the Corinthian Christians did. That's why they were weak and sick, and some had even died.

  • Why? Because they didn't "judge themselves" by confessing their sins, and seeking God's forgiveness.
  • Therefore, they were chastened by God -- becoming weak, or sick, or even dying as a result.
  He who eats and drinks [at the Lord's Table] in an unworthy manner eats and drinks judgment to himself, not discerning the Lord's body. For this reason many are weak and sick among you, and many sleep [have died]. For if we would judge ourselves [confess our sins unto God], we would not be judged [chastened by God]. 1 Cor 11.29-31

Now concerning Jesus words on the cross, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do," please consider the following list of questions and answers...

  • Question 1- Who is praying? Answer- Jesus
  • Question 2- To Whom is Jesus praying? Answer- The Father
  • Question 3- What is Jesus asking the Father to do? Answer- To forgive those who have unjustly put Him on the cross.
  Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do." Luke 23.34a

Pay particular attention to the fact that Jesus is not addressing His tormentors and saying He
forgives them.

By praying to the Father, Jesus is saying [IN EFFECT]...

"Father, please don't judge them now for what they have done. You and I know that my death on the cross was necessary to make possible the forgiveness of sins. Therefore, suffer them to live a while longer. Perhaps some of them will turn from their sin and put their faith and trust in Me."
  Do you despise the riches of God's goodness, forbearance, and longsuffering, not knowing that the goodness of God leads you to repentance?

But in accordance with your hardness and your impenitent heart you are treasuring up for yourself wrath in the day of wrath and revelation of the righteous judgment of God
Rom 2.4-5

It might enhance understanding if I coined a couple of terms -- namely, "seasonal forgiveness" & "eternal forgiveness" -- as shown with the verses quoted alongside...

  • God's *Seasonal Forgiveness* gives ALL sinners a measure of time in which to come to repentance and be saved.
  • God's *Eternal Forgiveness* is bestowed only upon those who believe and confess Lord Jesus.
  *Seasonal Forgiveness*
The Lord is ...longsuffering toward us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance.
2 Pet 3.9b

*Eternal Forgiveness*
If you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.
Rom 10.9-10

You see, every time an unsaved person sins, God is exercising SEASONAL forgiveness by allowing that person to live another day. Now watch this...

  • Unless a sinner repents and believes on Jesus, forgiveness on the part of God is only for a SEASON. It is not ETERNAL.
  • God is longsuffering toward sinners because He is unwilling that any should perish.
  • Nevertheless, a sinner who seeks God's eternal forgiveness MUST "come to repentance."
  The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is longsuffering toward us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance.
2 Pet 3.9

Concerning the prayer Jesus spoke as He was dying on the cross, there is a similar example. Namely, the Bible quotes the prayer that came from the lips and heart of Stephen while he was being stoned to death...

  • Just before Stephen died, he asked God to forgive those who were unjustly slaying him.
  • In the verse alongside, notice that Stephen's prayer of forgiveness was NOT said to those who were stoning him.
  • Instead, just like Jesus did, Stephen spoke to God. It is quite likely that Stephen spoke his final prayer in the hope that God would grant his assailants a *season* of time in which to repent.
  And they stoned Stephen as he was calling on God and saying, "Lord Jesus, receive my spirit." Then he knelt down and cried out with a loud voice, "Lord, do not charge them with this sin." And when he had said this, he fell asleep [died].
Acts 7.59-60

And guess what? Stephen's prayer bore fruit...

  • Acts 7.58 tells you that Saul [later to become the apostle Paul] was a willing witness at the unjust execution of God's servant Stephen.
  • Just two chapters later, this same Saul hears the voice of Jesus and receives Him as Lord.
  • Thus, Saul was the recipient of God’s *Seasonal Forgiveness* [“common grace”] in Acts 7.
  • Shortly thereafter, in Acts 9, Saul became the recipient of God’s *Eternal Forgiveness* [“efficacious grace”] by confessing Jesus as Lord, which led to his salvation.
  They cast him [Stephen] out of the city and stoned him. And the witnesses laid down their clothes at the feet of a young man named Saul. Acts 7.58

Saul fell to the ground, and heard a voice saying to him, "Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting Me?" And he said, "Who are You, Lord?" Then the Lord said, "I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting. It is hard for you to kick against the goads." So he, trembling and astonished, said, "Lord, what do You want me to do?"
Acts 9.4-6

Laurie, I hope this has helped to clear up some of your questions. Just remember this: NO one will enter heaven without first repenting.

Although God is longsuffering for a SEASON, so as to give sinners a measure of time in which to repent, He will not grant anyone His ETERNAL forgiveness unless that person...

  • Believes in his heart, and
  • CONFESSES with his mouth
  [Jesus said...] I tell you, no; but unless you repent you will all likewise perish. Luke 13.3

For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.
Rom 10.10

Summary
When someone deeply offends or hurts you, you are commanded to...

  • Pray to God with heartfelt forgiveness of the person who sinned against you.
  • Cast your burden of anger and hurt on God's shoulders.
  • Leave the handling of justice and vengeance in God's hands.
  Whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses. Mark 11.25

Cast your burden on the LORD, And He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved.
Ps 55.22

Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, "Vengeance is Mine, I will repay," says the Lord.
Rom 12.19
  • Rebuke the person who offended you. Do not brood, or nurse your pain and disappointment in secret.
  • Forgive him IF he repents.
  [Jesus said...] Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times in a day returns to you, saying, "I repent," you shall forgive him. Lk 17.3-4

Conclusion
Laurie, you need to be commended for asking for additional insight. Keep close to the Lord and He will guide you and your family into all truth.

Based on what you said in your message, it appears to me that you're correct in your understanding of Biblical forgiveness.

Much Grace, Rich


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